“There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy...like nailing jelly to a tree for example”

So I was babysitting my cousins the other day and at some point during the day we played mini golf. Now, the 3 year old decided that she would turn all Tiger Woods and swing back for the final hole ~ in the process she had unwillingly lined her 5 year old brother perfectly up with her back swing and he fell to the floor clutching his crotch. At this point I run over, sit him on my knee and ask

“Did it hit your wee wee?”

and he looks up at me and says 

“No, it hit my penis and my testicles”

My mouth dropped like a broken elevator down a elevator shaft. 

Depending on the company, I can still be embarrassed about saying a few words. I tried it on my Father once:
“Brides are you alright?”

“No I’ve got cramps”
“in you stomach?”

“No, my uterus”

*shock*

Now, I have NO problems saying ANY part of the anatomy to my friends ~ and with the rest of the world I am quite comfortable with male body parts... but start getting to the female bits and I turn as red as a beetroot, tomato and blood plum sandwich.

I have complied a list of words that I would would be weirded out saying to anyone

vagina

breasts

labia

nipples

clitoris

vulva

uterus

cunt

Is this a sign of my maturity (or lack there of)?

Do you think there comes a point where you can just SAY stuff and the embarrassment you  once felt is just no longer an issue. It must be annoying for doctors who NEED to be specific and cant get two words out of their blushing patients

 (if you are reading this: I am SORRY Dr. Chandra!!) 

Besides the medically inclined among us there must be people who don’t conform to

woo woos

wee wees

private parts

my "thing(s)”

bottoms

boobies 

bits

eels and caves 

trains and tunnels 

bird and bees

you know whats 

ect

and proudly call things as they are.

The other major event of the week was:

THE GUY FROM THE WILDERNESS SOCIETY CAME TO MY WORK!!

So, Wilderness Society Guy. The story goes that I went for a job at the wilderness society ~ the interview went horribly, I mean REALLY HORRIBLY 

SO BAD I saw him write “NO” on the top of my resume 

(just as a side note I am getting paid double what they were offering me then)

Anywho, so I was depressed and descended the stairs of the Wilderness Society Head office 
(ironically called “Happiness house”) and on the way out of Happiness house I opened the door on

“the guy from the wilderness society” 

He asked me if I had just applied for the job and we got chatting, down the street, then into  a coffee shop, then over lunch.

He was one of THOSE people ~ you know the ones where you've spoken to them for 5 minutes and you feel as if you’ve known them your whole life, it was so easy. He was gorgeous, studying music, he made a reference to Dragon Ball Z AND Pokemon and I should have jumped him after he started humming The Beatles ~ But alas, It was 6 months ago and I should have asked for his number but I was young and naive....
(I should add: the fact he was socially aware and passionate about saving the environment also added to his attractiveness)

So I was at work in the crappiest mood in the UNIVERSE and Roodey (the head pizza chief) calls out that there are customers through the door, so I get the menus and start my 

“Welcome to Da Pasquales, How can I help you this evening?” and there he was

“the guy from the wilderness society"

And even though he was with his Mother, he was so funny and chatty and and and and holy jesus he was lovely.

So he said “Hey Bridie” and I... in shock... said something pathetic like

“you look really familiar, but I can’t figure out where from”

and he smiled and said 

“I will let you brood for a while”

Of course I recognised him, It was a pathetic.

So, afterwards, he paid, bumped fists with me and walked to the door backwards smiling. Just before he opened the door, he winked ~ the kind of wink that makes your heart flutter and you forget to breath for just long enough for things to go hazy......

Do you think I asked for his number?

NO, of course not!! And I feel real shitty about two things:

a)I get on my high horse PRETTY damn quickly about “equality” but when the chances come around for me for me to prove that a woman should be able to and be expected to do the same things as Men 
I hang around expecting the guy to ask ME out.

b)All I know about the “guy from the wilderness society” is that he works for the wilderness society (or he did 6 months ago) and studies music.......

So basically I am as pathetic as I started. On a positive note, the crush that I have been brooding over for the last month or two was blown off the planet. 

Peace out
Bridie

xoxoxoxo