Recently I caught up with an old friend, we grew up together... then apart. When we were 15 all she wanted to do was drink and party and give blow jobs ~ being the stubborn little mole that I was, did none of it, simply because she told me I should. So I spent my high school years sober and innocent and my Friday nights watching re-runs of the Bill with my parents.
I was crush-less and date-less and regarded men in the same way I do my asthma; an unpleasant fact of life that, for the most part, could be artfully avoided through extreme prevention methods (in one case medication in the other a non existent social life ~ though sometimes they were interchangeable).
I skipped puberty; I was never distracted by boys, I didn’t have mood swings, yell melodramatically at my parents that “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!” or “I NEVER HAVE ANY PRIVACY!” had acne or braces.
So I was kind of shocked when I had a little epiphany the other day; the universe is finally taking its revenge and I am experiencing a late puberty.
I am distracted by boys ~ Its Pathetic
A 19 yr old, intelligent woman who goes weak at the knees at the sight of a beautiful man, stutters, then has her head drained of ANY witty or even vaguely intelligent remark, is ridiculous.
I can’t take myself seriously anymore, I could be studying or at an interview or at work or just walking along to street and (like the other day) trip over a crack in the ground and inelegantly stumble over and graze my knees on the pavement (while walking past a busker). In my defence he was playing “I wanna hold your hand” by the Beatles
*drool*
I have “dreams”
If I was a teenage boy they would call it something different(and less dry;) ) but my version is FAR less “seedy” (double entandre *snap*)
Usually the dreams are of myself and a beautiful man eating a picnic lunch in a park.
Raunchy right?
Mood swings
My step mother is going through menopause ~ sometimes, JUST sometimes I can match her swings and usually it is my POOR, BEAUTIFUL Father who bears the butt of it
example
Bridie: Daddy! how was your day??
Father: yeah good, hey Brides how are the pizzas at your new work?
Bridie: How would I know? are you saying THAT ALL I DO IS EAT PIZZAS?
ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT??
Father: *cowers behind the side board*
4.I have put a a poster in my room
My friends rooms are COVERED in posters, remnants of there teenage (and current) obsessions. I have FINALLY joined them, and as a result, had a discussion about “ruining the walls” with my rents ~VERY TEENAGER~ poster: $13, scotch tape: $3, being able to sleep under the watchful eye of Ringo: priceless :)
I have found the enterprise in all the things I condemned my friend doing.
I am SO hypocritical ~ I remember telling my friend that “drinking kills brain cells” and “Sorry, I respect my liver too much to drink”.....and something about kissing being feral disgusting....
BHA! AH HA HA HAAA!!
oh, jesus......
So my other anecdote for this post is about Tuesday, thats right Tuesday.
Tuesday, I had a date planned ~ his name is Michael, he is a physics student, he studied at Lyon University and he plays trumpet......
Right about know you SHOULD be thinking:
“Bridie, this is poor form, giving out the personal details of someone to the general public just to satisfy your own sick twisted Blog related fantasies”
Let me clarify, He stood me up.
Not the opposite of “sat me down”.
HE. DIDN’T. SHOW. UP. TO. THE. DATE. AND. LEFT. ME. ALONE. AND. REJECTED. ON BRUNSWICK. STREET.
biatch.
Approx 4 hours AFTER our scheduled time I received the following text message
“Brides, really sorry about today. Yesterday I was in a car crash with a truck - not hurt just really shaken. How about next week? xoxox”
Firstly, our date was at 11 and I received this message at 3
Secondly, I TRIED to call him at about 11:45 but there was no response
Thirdly, I txted him asking what was going on at 12 and there was no response
Fourth and finally, WHAT THE FUCK?
oh and
Not just ANYONE can call me Brides! its a nickname that I adore and thus only people I adore can use it.... not just any Joe Blow.... so when he started off the text message with it, I felt as if he had over stepped a rather (in my mind) OBVIOUS mark and one date was WAY too soon for nicknames.
A friend of mine suggested that I send back a message like:
“Yeah, next week sounds good; on Monday I am busy stabbing his guy who stood me up with a ridiculous excuse ~ but I am free all week after that ;)”
That last few months have left my ego severely damaged ....... the worrying thing is that bad things come in 3s. So all I can pray, is that by the end of the year I actually HAVE some Ego left.
So my reason for releasing Michaels personal information is, since I am never going to see him again, I want to give someone else the opportunity to spit in his general direction or something equally dramatic.
Besides this, I am developing a collection of empty water bottles, in an attempt to SAVE money. I keep buying them because I keep forgetting to fill them up and bring them out with me ~ so I keep buying them when I am out. So instead of SAVING money, I am just creating a rather ugly feature in my room... it is defiantly NOT attractive and my cleaning Lady turns her nose up in disgust when I let her in and she sees that since her last visit I have amassed more bottles.
With that note
peace out
Bridie
xoxoxoxo
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