"A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one” ~ Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

So Peoples,

                        I decided before I do another “hook up” blog i should tell you about a man, not just A man but THE man. It should be noted that if i even become fb friends with this MAN i will have to delete this post because it is WAY too explicit, so read it while you stil can!!.

This man shall - for the purposes of his own sexy privacy (that and the fact he has an extremely complicated surname that i can’t spell) shall be referred to as 

“ THE ITALIAN MAN “

or 

" T.I.M "

This invented pseudonym is quite DEVIOUS of me actually - simple because the only thing that actually makes this man in any way shape or form “Italian” is the fact that he attends my Italian tute.

I didn’t really notice Italian boy until week 4 then BOY did i notice him.

 I had walked into the lecture just as it was starting, its one of those lectures that everyone comes early to to get front row seats, not because its a good lecture but because there is a couple that has dry sex up the back......... actually lets segway for a minute :

AMUSING SEGWAY:

Couple in the back of the lecture -
A few weeks ago the couple in the back of the Italian lecture where going at it......more than usual, so much so that the girls heavy breathing and cries where echoing through the lecture hall. In her moment of passion she yelled out 

“YES”

Much to the amusement of the class, the lecturer stops, gets on to the microphone and yells back

“IN ITALIAN ITS SI!, SI! (insert girls name here)”

I think i love that lecturer.....

later on she said to another student 

“I am just glad that (insert girls name here) is getting it while she still can”

ANYWHO (snap out of pondering the logistics of having sex in a lecture theater):
So i walk to class and the only seats are down the back so i have a CLEAR line of sight to “ITALIAN MAN” - so its a pretty standard tute - 

That is until Italian man (who, i should add has a horrible habit of wearing the ugliest jumpers i have EVER seen - one week he had green and blue lamas circling the bottom - apparently its “vintage”)moves to remove his ugly jumper-

WOW

his ugly jumper was removed to reveal a TIGHT WHITE t-shirt that beautifully emphasised the RIPPLING muscles on his back that quivered ever so slightly as he twisted it off 

My perving - as it usually is - oh so OBVIOUS and the girl next to me saids... inappropriately loud:

“don’t drool on yourself hun, he’s not taking anything else off!!”

I. almost. died.

So, i hear you ask, what is it about Italian man that makes you subconsciously undress him as he walks past? 

(you said it, not me)

His hair: its blonde, usually i cant stand a blondie but its just long enough for him to run his fingers through it.

His bod -ay: he is a part time gardener and FIT i am pretty sure you could play the xylophone on his washboard of a stomach and his arms (god, iam a sick puppy)

They are the kind of arms you could imagine yourself encircled in on a cold night.....next to a fireplace....with a bottle of Champagne.......on a fur rug.....sigh

His nice- ness: even though i am the biggest pain in the arse and SO FREAKIN OBVIOUS in gawking at his perfectness he still says hi and dose the small talk thingy

His cheek / jaw bones: god, apart from everything else, i am a sucker for good cheek bones - Like that guy from that supernatural show - i melt when they tense their jaw and it becomes all hard and chiseled 

~WHY IT WILL NEVER WORK~

(beside the fact he is not attracted to me in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM)

His hair: eventually i will become self conscious that my boyfriends leg hair was less noticeable than mine - 
suffice is to say i have my coffee like my hair - black

His bod -ay: i would feel like a piece of shit if i had to look at that everyday then see myself next to it and wonder what the funk went wrong in my mothers womb?? 
(actually i know what happened... it starts with C and ends in Hoclate)

His nice-ness: i don’t trust people who are TOO nice - every now and again every one should have a bitch or be judgmental or be in a bad mood or rant ... 

it DOSN’T MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON

if your doing it everyday of your life to the people that love you THEN your a bad person

He’s cooler than me: i quote the famous Mike Posner

“you have designer shades to hide your face

and you wear them around like your cooler than me

and you never say “hey” or remember my name

its probably ‘cos you think your cooler than me”

thank you for your wise words Mike, much appreciated...

He is one of those 
“I am so indie I am just going to die because living is so mainstream” 
kinda guys - and he has Indie hair and Indie shoes and Indie clothes and those ridiculously expensive ray-bands (that i am sure are vintage making them even MORE indie - if thats possible)

So thats it, 

if you have a similar story of lust and loss over a pretentious but beautiful indie / italian man do tell - or you want to vent about unattainable skinny white guys or you like Mike Posner or having sex in lectures

tell me 

peace out

Bridie

xoxox