ANON

I really enjoy quote books, I have quite a few of them, I think that sometimes quotes, due to the lack of forethought or meditation show glimpses of a persons true self. When I first got interested I used to think there was a few people that had  just amazing minds to be able to come up with such pearls of wisdom such as Oscar Wilde, but far above them all was ANON. Whoever this person was, there quotes seemed to span every culture, sex, mindset.... It was only years later that I figured out that Anon was just assigned to all those quotes whose origins were lost; their creators "Anonymous" 
Due to other interested parties who wish to write on this blog the writer shall now be "Anon" to allow each writer who posts the ability to write and think and create unrestrained.
I am excited by the end of my selfish chapter and by the possibilities of the new stories and collaborations.

Groucho Marx ~ Women should be obscene and not heard.

When I decided it was time to write another blog entry this is the passage that came into my head to describe myself:

You know in ancient Greece when girls got their period and they were sent off to be married to some old pedophile, well, during their wedding there was a symbolic ceremony where by they would throw their childhood toys into a fire to symbolise leaving behind childhood and moving to womanhood. I feel like all of a sudden I’ve walked into the metaphorical “play room” of my mind where I kept my “toys” aka dreams; all the plans and hopes for the future, where I’ve kept them safe for years. So, I’ve walked into that room and found everything burnt and from the looks of the remains - it happened a long time ago, and I hadn’t even noticed.

The saddest most confronting part is that it doesn't scare or upset me - I can’t believe I could change so quickly, alter my plans, discard my dreams without a second thought and without even realising it. 

I had this awesome Sex and the City /  Lunch in Paris dream:

where I would have an awesome career, an amazing apartment in Paris where I would stroll to my favorite boulangerie. Whist I strolled, people would look at my divine clothes that I had due to my high paying job and lack of:

a) children

b) husband / significant other

and instead of one man I would have a few because I believed “you cant get everything from ONE person, each person in your life fulfills a different need” and I would have my friends - who would be the real loves of my life.

And I can’t express through a mere blog entry how I nurtured this dream, when life at home was shitty, when my love life was shitty, when I was completely alone in some god forsaken european hostel which was actually some families apartment. I told myself that no matter what was going wrong now that it was only TRANSITORY and the I would have the life that I dreamed. I treasured them and nurtured them and they were mine.

Maybe its a thought to consider that they was like braces

hang on, less like braces and more like......

training wheels!!

much better analogy.

training wheels

they are a temporary safety device until your ready to take on the big guns, to look after you when your fragile.

But at the same time I don’t want to undervalue my dreams and aspirations - its not like '

“I’m letting them go because now I am older and wiser and logical and rational and shit”

Its also possible that like the phoenix - new dreams, will rise from the burnt ones in my “metaphorical playroom” and already have.

awwww.... happy ending :)

but I would like to note that I don't think I would be able to forgive myself if I broke my golden rules.....the things that I spent the most time contemplating. If I look I will Defiantly find that they survived the fire and can be salvaged through the ashes - this will serve as a horrible to reminder to my 30 year old self one day....

1) I will NEVER be a housewife

2) I will (for an unspecified period of time) live overseas

as you can see the second point took a bit of a battering in the fire and lost some of its specifics like "France" and "Forever" but its pretty much intact.

To end, let me be the first to start a :

"OSAMA BIN LADEN CONSPIRACY"

THIS is a picture of my new kitten named Miette:

THIS is what was on television when I came home to find her watching it:

AND THIS is/ was Osama Bin Laden:

Coincidence..... I think NOT

Peace out 

BP

xoxox

There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes~ Doctor Who

and a picture of Dr. Who... just because I can 

I believe in the age old mantra that:

"women mature quicker than men"

DON'T SHOOT!!!

However quickly, in different company women can descend into wild cackles of toilet humour and dirty jokes ~ emotionally, women have a stronger footing until male counterparts catch up.


This is relevant because the other evening my friends and I went out to dinner ~ our usually female-only get together was infiltrated by a male presence. We went to a delightful Nepalese restaurant and had something dubbed the "Gurkah's surprise" because its ingredients where inconceivable and yet it was full delicious goodness surpassed only by the yogurt that accompanied it. All round it was a fine evening.


Usually I don't analyse the conversations I have with my friends but I considered our topics in this "boys" presence:


politics, SEX, rowing, SEX, Queensland floods, SEX, cars/ driving, SEX, work, SEX, books, SEX, pizza, SEX, boys, SEX, girls, SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, 

we digress...

the naked chef, mini skirts, SEX, monogamy, SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX.

The accompanying male noted something about

"girls are supposed to be more mature than boys"

no one refuted his claim

and yet it did not help our cause that upon leaving, to supply ourselves with ice cream, we passed a sex / pleasure store and discussed the various items in the window; including a 24c gold vibrator ......

who knew right?

So I pose 4 questions:

1) does being dirty bind you to the term "immature"?

2) does anything except hard core pornography surpass the scenes from the first season of "True blood"?

(and yes... the vamp and gal in this photo are doing EXACTLY what you think they are doing and it sure as hell aint playing cards)

3) am I the ONLY person who is not effected by the earths change of axis and its impact on the zodiac signs?

4) how can unlimited broadband have limits?

stay tune for the next time I pose the important questions

and leave you hanging for answers that may or may not ever come....

peace out

bridie

xoxoxoxox

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. ~Albert Einstein

Lack of material! that is my completely legit excuse for not writing in a while. In leu of my France trip this year I have been working 40hour weeks in the vain hope that by taking on a ridiculous work load I will be able to save more than I spend (though, I am sure the new Zara store opening in the city will change this)

So this blog will focus on 2 stories from work......because that is my life from 11am to 11pm.

Story one isn’t actually from work but my theory is that if I tell it first you will forget it the most quickly. 

Exhaustion and lack of escapades has led me to post something that, a few short months ago I promised I would only tell my closest friends about... and only when they were either drunk or intensely preoccupied.

So, in the “Persa Hotel” one fine evening after work and it was a lovely evening. My friends from university and I partook in some after dinner drinks*, with some gentlemen^ and afterwards we waltzed and foxtrotted the evening away

*we got hammered

^physio guys who couldn’t hold their liqueur 

1 there was nothing elegant about the way we danced ~ I believe the words “grind” and “handsy” best draw the filthy picture

Anywho, I met a friend of a friend from uni and in an attempt to save some self respect I “little girl” danced with him (aka lots of twirling, standing on their shoes as they dance for you ect ect). Let it be know that I considered him “safe”; I wasn’t after anything ~ he was  FRIEND from UNI,

.................. so naturally I spent the rest of the evening making out with him.

For the record, on the Bridie’s scale of hook ups he was a safe 9 ~ also known as BRILLIANT. He really rocked my socks.

So I left and went home....after a while* of brilliant hooking up.

*hours

Now this all happened on a Friday night so it was one of the rare occasions that I actually saw my Father the next morning. At 10ish I dragged my sorry ass down to the kitchen for a coffee to find my Father there as well. He smiled in his “I was 19 too once” kind of way and asked how my night was, I kissed, cuddled him and said “great”. 

As I get on my tippy toes and cuddle my Dad I smell something really familiar, really, really familiar and then I remember!

the guy I spent most of all night and that morning making out with smells EXACTLY like my Father

:o

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

grrrrrroooooooooossssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

It wasn’t even his aftershave or his deodorant ~ his general scent  was a perfect match.

I could see Freud cakling madly and strumming his fingers together as I perfectly fit into his mold (Freud said that the Oedipus complex for women was “killing your mother and marrying your Father”) 


described by "WIKIPEDIA"


"The Oedipus complex, in psychoanalytic theory, is a group of largely unconscious (dynamically repressed) ideas and feelings which concentrate on the desire to possess the parent of the opposite sex and eliminate the parent of the same sex.^[1][2] According to classical psychoanalytic theory, the complex appears during the so-called "oedipal phase" of libidinal and ego development; i.e. between the ages of three and five years, though oedipal manifestation may be detected earlier.^[3][4]"

the Danish cycling team 

DISTRACTION!!!!!!

story no.2 is about the Dutch cycling team ~sigh~ never such a group of muscular, tall, blonde haired boys (that they would flick out of their dazzling blue eyes) ever crossed the threshold of Da Pasquale’s (the restaurant). So, apparently the track cycling championships were on in Melbourne and they attended the restaurant every evening for 3 weeks. On the last evening they all said goodbye to us, they were very cute in a Danish kind of way. I was leaving at the same time and I left via the back door where I met one of the Dutch boys who shook my hand and said

“my name is Jan” (pronounced Yan)

and kissed me 

it was pretty horrible, mainly because I jumped back and cursed him (and by “cursed” I mean “swore horrifically”) he only smiled, left and in my shaken state by the back entrance  I heard the sound of high fives and wolf whistles ~ funny how you don’t need to speak english to understand.....

Anywho,

       I am in the process of writing a more intellectual post

so stay tuned hommies 

peace out

Hang on!! something worthwhile~~.... I was introduced the other day to the

"SCRUNCH OR FOLD DEBATE"

interestingly by my latest crush ~ further intensifying not wet blanketed the crush ~ weird 

Apparently how you wipe your bottom can tell someone alot about who you are:

From nowhere he asked me, “Do you scrunch or fold?” He discussed the fact that people either folded the toilet paper or scrunched it before applying it to their dirty bottoms.

After some intense polling, one researcher (me), found that neat, sensible and the more cautious among us tended to (not always) be Folders and the lazy and carefree tended to be Scrunchers. Both argue that their method achieves better access and is a softer feel. However, Scrunchers suggest their method is quicker, more efficient and keeps their hands further from the ‘danger zone’, whereas Folders believe Scrunchers are not able to clean as thoroughly.

Further more, one (many) drunken discussions has revealed that there is another division of people: those who stand and those who sit during a crevice cleansing session. Sitters lean to one side to gain access whereas Standers actually get up off the seat to sanitize their sphincter. Standers think sitting and leaning is weird and cannot achieve good access, whereas Sitters think standing will lead to extra mess from squishing!

So, by cross referencing my two areas of discussion I have found that everyone can be categorised into the following groups:

• Folder-Sitter: You seem an open and fun person, but are also quite private and guarded
  
  
• Folder-Stander: You are tidy and neat, but also quite practical and like to do things your way
  
  
• Scruncher-Stander: You have a healthy perspective on life and have a good balance of work, play and friendships as well
  
  
• Scruncher-Sitter: You are a lazy so and so, but are actually quite happy with life and a great friend and companion.

There you go....

hope that cheered your evening.

or not.

Also there has been some anonymous talks about "mentions" 

~ consider yourselves; (every one who wants to be) mentioned.

xoxox

peace love and happiness

bridie

"Devil thy name is women" ~Ray Romano

I have spent the last week home alone. Its been pretty sweet; I work a heck of a lot and when I get home I get to indulge my “single girl in her own house” fantasy. The best thing about this fantasy is that I don’t actually have to pay for anything; rates, mortgage ect and I get to try out recipes on myself. 

The bad thing about living by myself/ yourself, as it turns out, is that you are probably 

malnourished and afraid : 

Malnourished because, lets be honest, when when you work at a wood fire pizza restaurant, why would you go out and buy “fruit” or “vegetables” 

As far as I am concerned a Pizza contains all my food groups:

Dairy ~ Quattro formaggi pizza ( FOUR cheeses how much more dairy do you want??)

Protein ~ Meat lovers OR Mexican bean 

Carbohydrates ~ beautiful crispy pizza base

Fruits/ Vegetables ~ I’am pretty sure tomatoes are both fruit AND     Vegetable since any smart ass will tell you                                                                                     they are a fruit. But! Safeway still puts them in the vegetable section and Safeway is the boss.

and Afraid because, well, most nights I watch Sex and the City or Gossip girl till ungodly hours, after I am satisfied, I turn off the t.v and have a shower. 

Now, you know that movie “physco” imagine this....

I get in the shower and pull the screen across (I don’t actually have a plastic screen to pull across but.. indulge me) and the c.d player in my mind starts playing the theme music

DUN! DUN! DUN! DUN! DUNNNNNN!!!!! DUNDUNDUN DOMMMMMMMM!!!!

I wash up quickly and run straight from the shower, 

up the hall, 

jump in the bed 

and hide under my covers until morning. 

The other night I was under my covers and I could hear the floor boards creak down the hall, again and again. And under my covers I reached out my hand to “the other side of the bed”  

and it was cold.

Cold.

And it was scary. 

Those creaking noises were DEFIANTLY a sadistic, Italian, STD infested rapist walking down the hall. So, literally, for 3 hours I breathed quietly; too scared to go to sleep because BAMB! as soon as I let my guard down I knew he would ATTACK!

When I reached across the bed to that cold abyss on the other side  ~ it was just, if not MORE, scary then the rapist waiting and watching for me to fall asleep. It was So COLD and I forgot how much I loved someone being there. 

Even if they snore, are cover hogs, think that they don't have to wear pyjamas, sleep talk, sleep walk, sleep TOO close, breath in your ear ect ect

(It should be noted that I have been known to do ALL of these things ~ what can I say? I am a hypocrite :)  )

Besides being Cold and Alone 

I have a public service announcement:

~ Everybody Loves Raymond is NOT funny! 

It's sexist and stereotypical and demeaning to men, women, children, elderly and mothers in law everywhere

I propose an international ban followed by a 

“DeRamondisation” 

(similar to “DeStalinisation” except we keep NOTHING)

A trip to America will be organised and the believers shall help me be rid of the cast of this horrific show.

Ray Barone

• Men don't like to cuddle. We only like it if it leads to... you know... lower cuddling.

• He thinks the moral of the Adam and Eve story is; don't eat when you're naked.

• That's the rule of marriage. A spouse automatically has the right to know that you deflowered a woman in front of your entire apartment building.

• It's a little hard to hug someone who chooses once a month to rip into you like a monkey on a cupcake!

• Hey Robert, don't look now, I think that woman is giving you the eye... wait, no, it's the finger.

• Great, I finally have sex and I'm not even there!

• You know dad, you're not obligated to come to these games... or talk to me.

• The only reason Debra keeps me alive is to open jars and kill bugs.

• Whatever my wife touches falls off, so you can imagine how worried I am.

• Robert don't listen to him, he pees in the yard.

• I wish I were Einstein cause then I'd invent a time machine and go back to when you were nice.

• You can't create fate cause then its not fate, its voodoo.

• You will do anything to avoid having sex with me!

• You've broadened the definition of the term "boogie" to include staying at home by yourself eating Wheat Thins?

• [after Robert takes off his shoes in Ray's car] We must have hit a skunk that crawled out of the ass of another skunk.

• Devil thy name is women.

• [after Debra got a boob job] I will give everyone one thousand dollars to leave RIGHT NOW.

BHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

jokes!

I guess I'll go slash my wrists now.....

Peace out lovelies 

and a special kiss to the girl who has me in her favourites....she's in mine ;)

Bridie Pearl

xoxox